Being fat and miserable that is. I am serious. ***Warning, Whining ahead***
I have of course hated my weight since Cole has been born, but for the first few months I let it slide, I had just had a baby, so I cut myself some slack. I definately did not lose it right away like I did with Konnor. So over the past few months I have been slowly getting more and more down on myself, yet not doing anything about it. I know it sounds like I am making excuses, but it is so hard to get in time to work out. We have a workout room at our apartment complex, but I obviously cant go during the day when Mark is gone, and when he gets home, between cooking dinner, Ironing his uniform, shining his boots, feeding Konnor, nursing Cole, giving the boys a bath, I just cannot get there.
Anyway, Mark went to Hooters last night, and it really is not a big deal. He went to watch a fight, and he is the most trustworthy husband ever and I know he loves me. It just made me think though. I used to look like that. I miss feeling cute and putting on clothes and feeling comfortable. I am not comfortable in anything I try on any more and have not bought clothes in over a year and a half. I am so tired of feeling run down and fat and frumpy. I just feel like I have let myself go so much and I feel like I am in a hole that I cant get out of. I hate it. Today was the worst part, we went to the mall and I wanted to spend my gift card on some clothes that are MUCH needed. I ended up not getting anything, because I feel so gross I feel like it is a waste. All I could do was see all the cute skinny girls and feel like they were looking at me and wondering what the heck my husband was doing there with me. I hate it. I miss ME. I know by most standards I am not extremely huge or anything, but for a 5 foot tall girl who used to be in the 110-114 range, 135 is just too much. I feel so miserable. SO the whole reason I am posting this is so that I can be held accountable. I am starting tomorrow with a new way of life that will hopefully get my ass in gear. I am going to eat SUPER tight, at least for a few weeks, then I might give myself some room, but in order to get myself going I have to go all in right now. I also ordered the biggest loser dvd that my girlfriend uses and it is working great for her. I figure I can get that in while the boys are sleeping and I am also going to start taking walks with them in the new double stroller I got. It is my goal to lose 20 lbs by June. Is that do-able? I honestly dont know because I have never been in this position before. Like I said earlier, with K the lbs just fell off. This time I am breastfeeding and its like the fat is stuck on me. I suck. Anyhoo.... I am going to start posting on here weekly with my *hopefully* progress. I know yall probably dont really care, but its a way I can keep track and maybe get some motivation and tips along the way. Thanks for letting me vent and I would love any tips or advice. Thanks girls. Wish me luck.